Ode to Shirley

Yes, Shirley - you were meant to stay at home, and you are making the world a better place by doing so. Your Superstore rages and jelly shoes doeth good as good medicine-eth. (The fish thing is a little creepy, but to each his own...) I, however, was meant to be away from home. Or, when at home, to be free to enjoy myself. Work and home do not mix well for me. Why then is there nothing to do, for me, at home but work!? Seriously, that's all I do. Work, sleep, shower. Sigh. I guess I'm starting to wonder - why am I even trying - okay trying is a strong term, how about - thinking about all this housework? I don't have time for this. And shouldn't I really be taking time to relax and enjoy my family and my home before taking time to scrub a toilet? Where are my priorities. Again, before you get too concerned for my well-being, I am only thinking about these chores thus far. I haven't been actually doing any housework. But it has been quite a stress on my mind.

In case I don't talk to you tomorrow, my dear friend, happy birthday! Of all the things God created - I like you best.

This week I've had a recital at University, 2 evening events, worship team practice, 2 birthday parties, meetings about mortgages and property and house building, a 600 page novel to read, a #@%*load of practicing to do and a 2500 word essay to start. And, you know, theory - well I can't even talk it about it. It's too fresh.

So this afternoon, I'm sitting here as if I have absolutely nothing going on. Forget the fact that I have 9 loads of laundry waiting to be done (I still have 2 pairs of underwear - no sweat), haven't washed anything in 2 months, my toddler is constipated because all she gets to eat is cheese and milk, and I have 1 1/2 weeks left until I write exams and receive, for the past 1/4 year of my life, a set of grades that will never change. No, today... today I sit. I sit and eat cake (birthday yesterday) and remember a friendship that has blessed my life more with each passing year since it began. Sniff.... its just too much.

Ahem, anyway - it's not all so dire. Mom's here. She does laundry before the girls have to go out in pj's and Steve's left going commando; she cooks when the kids cry loud enough; Emelia's 4 now so she can take over some of the cooking responsibilities. Really, we're doin' fine.

I really, really, really hope that by next fall we will be in a new house. I don't mean, crossing my fingers hope, but real expectant belief hope. I think we are going to build a house. A bungalow with everything we want in it. If we don't build, we will buy. But if God approves of our plans, we will be in a new house soon.

Well, it's been nice pretending I had free time. Now I have an hour before going back to school so I'd better get back to work (school work).

Bless you Shirley - we'll have some cake for you, too, at Em's birthday party tomorrow. It would have been nice to post this on your actual day, but - close enough? Love you - you're the greatest!

Where has all the fast food gone?

So, when did McDonald's officially cease to be fast food? i have been there twice to 2 different locations in the past 2 weeks, after approximately 8 months absence, and it was slower than my sit-down meal at Grapes the other night (which, fyi, was fabulous - chicken fingers to die for). i'm standing for 20 minutes to get fries and carbonated water - diet, of course! whassup wid dat?
Okay so the weirdest thing about being back at university after a 16 year absence is the fact that it doesn't feel weird at all. I feel like I've been doing this for the past year and a half, at least, and it's just normal routine for me. Shouldn't it feel just a little strange? Yes, you're right, it should. And I acknowledge that, which leads me to my conclusion that I belong in school. I think I shall just remain there. I quite like it, I'm fairly useful, doing well - I may as well make a career out of being a student. Now I remember why I decided, during my last University stint, that it would be necessary for me to be a prof at university. Really, that's what people do when there are no degrees left to take, but they don't want to go anywhere else - they stay and teach. I can't think of anything more natural or comfortable for me.

okay, so what else? Here's my latest conundrum - how does one up and write a 5 page piece of fiction? I think the short story concept somehow eludes me. i don't get it. it's either a story, in which case it'll likely take about 400 or so pages at the minimum, or it's a couple of paragraphs of thoughts or ideas. how will i fit an entire story into 5 pages? it'd be easier to write an operetta. which is a thought to ponder.

sigh. I miss you, Shirley, my friend.

research log

October 17 - re-read "insanity & selfhood". read chapter on research writing. need a research question. How was insanity understood and dealt with in the 19th Cent? What is moral insanity in the context of 19th cent. psychology and particularly in Charlotte Bronte's writing? What was meant by the term "moral insanity" in the 19th cent. and how did it affect ideas of selfhood and society as portrayed in Bronte's Jane Eyre? obviously my question calls for informative writing.

scooping stardust into sapphire studded satchels

see, now, that there? that's a-called alliteration. yep. just one 'o those high-falutin' things i'm learnin' over at the fancy u-ni-ver-si-ty, there. ah, my friend Shirley, as with all my thoughts it is but an exercise in creating discourse with you despite the great distance between us. seriously, should be writing my english essay due tomorrow. but i needed some info and needed a research log and i thought - now, henry (I sometimes call myself that), why dontcha jes' put that there log on that little talkie thing ya got on the com-pu-ter. thataways, ya gots somethin' ta say and people won't complain bout 'ya not sayin' nothin', and it ain't taking any more time than ya woulda spent anyhows.

maybe i'll go write that little thing and then come back and fill everyone in (that'd be you, Shirley-girl) on the mom thing and the school thing and the housing situation.

here i go to change the world of 19th century literature .... plus the baby's crying. sapphires and milk. that's my evening.

moral insanity research log

october 14 - went to library. i found it unsuspectingly dull. is that odd? i mean, not that it was dull, but that i didn't expect it to be? anyway - didn't get much done. couldn't even tell what color the walls were. just dull. so, read the chapter on physiognomy and phrenology. i got a handle on it but not so thrilling. later read chapter on "insanity & selfhood". that was much more interesting. especially when relating it to Charlotte Bronte's writing and Jane Eyre in particular. the overlapping of insanity and social expectation and physiological knowledge creates a very unique take on insanity. you can't help but look at the "insane" characters in 19th Cent. fiction a lot deeper. were they actually insane? who defined it? how much of the diagnoses was based on cultural differences? Bertha Mason is from Jamaica. The very proper British had a very biased understanding and almost complete intolerance for the native culture when they colonized the West Indies. if "moral insanity" is in large part based on the person's ability to navigate social expectations - either in behavior or in their ability to keep their behavior hidden from view of society... well, let's not get too far into that subject for now. Make copy of chapter for home use. Read writer's handbook chapter on research writing.

these are the colours of my life

Lately i've taken to sitting and imagining my walls in different colours. There is probably something very deep and profound about this, or it may just be i have a low tolerance for sameness and can't really justify yet another layer of color on these walls quite yet. How soon is too soon to repaint your walls? And is it really walls that need changing? Hmmmm? Look deeper, vhat do ju see?

Well, here I am typing on my new laptop. Finally - I have a laptop! No more rhinocerous tied to my ankle! I'm free at last, free at last! Well, it ain't all that but throw in a bag of chips and I won't turn my nose up at it. I'm still trying to get the feel for this keyboard. I shall soon have to begin writing assignments and I'm trying to work out this unfortunate tendency toward profanity beforehand. (That's the keyboard's tendency - we will leave my tendency for another evening.)

So here's the scoop. Back to school. Pros: not as dumb as I thought I was. Cons: not as young as I thought I was. Seriously, it's one thing to know you're not 19 anymore, but almost entirely surrounded by 19 year-olds brings knowing to a whole different level. It's visceral. Don't ask me to define that; just trying it out for the essay assignment. So, English Lit. Love it. Seemed like a great excuse to read a bunch of books I've already read and loved. 6 novels in 12 weeks. That wouldn't be so bad if they were normal novels. The Brothers Karamazov is 900 pages (the version I have) of extremely small print. And did I mention the aging dilemna? My eyes hurt! Sigh.... well. Who am I kidding? I am happy as pigs in 7s7u9ot (there is goes again)! 4 years of staying home; of being mostly alone with babies... now I am out among people, learning, reading, discussing - I feel like I'm living again! It is awesome. I love it. So I think the dining room walls are red today. And man does my new table & chair set look great against them!