Okay, obviously I'm feeling pretty good today. Good enough to poke fun at the pretty much un-funniest thing in my lifetime of experience. Believe me it has been a lifetime.
So, let's talk about depression. Why? Because I want to. I'm interested in knowing how others live with this giant gorilla on their back. It doesn't seem to matter how much I rest, destress, talk, read, ignore, research - I know that when the curtain falls again it'll all be gone. I may remember some of it, but I won't be able to use any of it. It all seems for nothing. Unless it's for the next good day. Can you build on something 1 day/month? 6 days/year? Am I completely hopeless to be hoping, today, that I'm making headway in my battle with chocolate, in my desire to add exercise into my life regularly, in my commitment to eat consciously. To think, maybe I'm getting it again and I'll be able to keep my head, at least, out of the hole for awhile? Will tomorrow be as black as last week? Will it be as bright as today? Do I need to control this? Do I feel I need to control my mood, which governs (usually) my choices and my productivity. I haven't really been able to say - to hell with productivity. Who cares what I accomplish, I'm just going to live. Quote, "Life is what you make it; always has been, always will be." Grandma Moses. So what is life if I'm not making anything? Not making the bed, not making supper, not making it to appointments, not making commitments, not potty training my almost 3 year old, not helping my kindergartner learn to write lower case letters! Nothing. Nothing. Just nothing. How do you do nothing? How is that okay? I don't know.
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