And possible weeping and gnashing of teeth. The black hole of my ADD brain is reaching its inky fingers into my heart and soul, chanting hopeless, hopeless, hopeless. Everywhere I turn there is some area of my life that needs work; that needs planning and execution of a plan. Everywhere I look there is something I want to improve about myself or my surroundings. I know I've read that it's important to focus on my strengths, but that is not easy to do when said strengths are not readily visible. And it's been this way so long, I'm not certain I remember what they were (are?).
Today's sermon was on the parable of the ten talents. I am beginning to hate that story. I don't know what I'm supposed to take from that. And since there is nothing I can point to and say, "here, God, is your return on your investment in me", I am left to conclude that I am the wicked and lazy servant who buried their talent. Just to state the obvious - how the heck does that help me live the life God wants me to live?
This ADD feels like a large vehicle parked on top of me. I can't see, at this moment, how I will ever accomplish anything beyond keeping my family from starving or freezing to death. I always thought I had so much to offer, could accomplish fantastic things. Now, it seems, I have to lower my expectations waaaaaaay down, look around me and say, "this is all I'm capable of." It doesn't feel right. My brain is yelling at me, "There's no reason you can't rock this life." But it seems I can't.
